How Each 12 Dances Were Created
for "Inner Reformation"
All of the dances were created with love, joy & pain. And even to this day, I keep trying to perfect what I do. All the dances have gone through SEVERAL versions. In short, you would NEVER believe what this dance-story first looked like, because it has changed so much along the way. But I will give you a bit of history regarding the process of it.
In 2005, I had an idea to choreograph the full length of a CD. If I would have got my MFA after undergrad, this was going to be my project. The idea never left me, though, and it finally came to fruition in a way that I never could have imagined. In 2016, I found the perfect CD, and my life story simply fit the music (the music expressed my story, almost as if it had been made for that very purpose. Even the titles of the songs, no lie, fit my life story.).
To make the entire dance of "Inner Reformation, Part I," I utilized a number of things:
Track #1: I met with Mom to talk about me being in the womb and being born. I utilized the work of Alexander Tsiaras and other information on the Internet regarding fetal development. I used my experience as a pregnant mother as well. All of these things helped to create the movement. Furthermore, this dance took the longest for me to make; I'm always striving to make it perfect (an impossibility, I know).
Track # 2: I used artifacts from my childhood (examining my baby book, photos, toys, etc). I used stories from what people told me about myself as a little girl and memories from when I was a kid. I utilized my observation of my little daughter, how she plays and moves. For the longest time, I hated dancing this piece, because I felt silly acting like a little girl. But now I LOVE doing this dance. It's lots of fun to do.
Track #3: I met with both Mom & Dad to create dance #3, asking questions that I was terrified to ask. I got permission from both of them to dance out a bit of their story. A lot in the dance is not revealed, because both my parents are still alive, and I want to respect them. But this is my best version of it, staying within the boundaries of what I feel comfortable with revealing. I also used my own childhood memories to create this dance, and that's probably, in the end, what has most inspired the work. This dance, like the others, has been through MULTIPLE versions. But perhaps my favorite thing of all about it is: I get to dance with my mother's wedding ring while dancing in performances.
Track #4: This was emotionally the hardest dance for me to create. I didn't think I would be able to do it and entered a bit of a panic early on in the process. Literally, I had a complete block of what to do, so then I started to think about all of the memories/activities with this person. I used photos, letters, emails, journals and the memories to make the dance. This dance keeps changing shape too. For the longest time, I couldn't enjoy dancing it, because my original movement was based upon me having images of this person in my mind, of the activities we did together. Currently, I have no images in my mind as it is danced, because I remade the work. But my goal is to simply have fun doing it, and for the most part, I do.
Track #5: I contacted several friends from my high school days and teachers, and relied heavily upon my memories. I was an extremely active high school student. The original version of this dance showcased all of it. But I've simplified it to just focus on one thing that I really liked in high school: dance! And I throw in a few other activities as well and some of my regrets.
Track #6: This piece really serves as a sort of "intermission," a kind of getting ready for Act II without having to leave the stage. I "pack up" for undergrad, but in it I continue to express my ongoing struggle from dance #4.
Track #7: Involves a bit of a rap I created based upon my experience in undergrad (I also contacted several classmates and instructors to make this dance). As it happened, I turned on the music and started saying the words. From that initial voice recording, I created the movement and later had my voice professionally recorded. Like all of my dances, this too has gone through major reworks (e.g. it began as a standing dance, then I moved it to the floor because of injury).
Track #8: In undergrad, I had a unique spiritual experience. I nearly dropped out of school to become a missionary. I then read certain Christian apologetic works and my life completely changed. I began practicing an intense life of prayer. And while I strongly disliked modern dance my first year of undergrad (because it was so foreign to move my body in that way), I fell in LOVE with it my second year of school. So for this dance, I combine that spiritual experience with my favorite kind of movement at that time: Release Technique. This is a dance, btw, that I want to keep perfecting over time. It was originally done standing, and it is this dance that perhaps forever damaged my ankle, and that is why this dance is now done in a chair. I feel semi-proud to have taken all of the standing movement and converted it to sitting. It was a challenge, and perfecting it remains a goal of mine. Video of Original Version (demonstrates how the work is so much more beautiful in the chair!).
Track #9: Dance #4 was emotionally the hardest dance to make, but #9 was mentally the toughest to create. How does one present clarity to an audience through movement when one has difficulty understanding the story themselves? I intend to choreograph Part II and Part III of "Inner Reformation" many years down the road. What is in my box (for Part I)? I cannot reveal that. This is the mystery part of my dance (i.e. the box). I personally know what is in it; I know exactly what I prayed. But I don't understand the outcome of that prayer. So . . . for dance #9 I try to make clear to the audience what I very much do understand: I entered the seminary, I prayed, I met my husband, we had children, I became depressed. This too is likely a dance that I will continue to perfect, but I feel very happy that I finally figured out my dilemma: I don't have to share with the audience what I can't comprehend; I can just share what I do understand . . . so that's what I did.
Track #10: Out of the blue, while I was making "Inner Reformation, Part I," I entered 3 days of depression, with no explanation. It just hit me. I hadn't experienced depression in about 2 years. I couldn't dance. I couldn't hardly do anything, for those three days. I was intending to choreograph dance #6, but by the 3rd day of this in-explainable depression I thought, "I've gotta tap into this low. I gotta start creating my dance on depression, Track #10." So that's what I did. I could hardly move in the chair, but I recorded the movement and used that real-life depression experience as a template to create the dance that you now see. After that 3rd day, the depression lifted and dance #10 is my favorite dance out of all the pieces. In it, you see a girl who is out of balance, who is refusing to talk (pushing down all that she needs to get out). She is so desperately sad (her hands cry), and angry, hating everything. She is near death. But thankfully she doesn't die. Experiencing depression was very difficult, btw, and I truly aim to express that in the performance of this piece. Video on Creating the 10th Piece.
Track #11: This piece show's my health collapse. Never could I have imagined recovering from depression (I didn't think I would), only to head into the HARDEST experience of my life (Track #4 introduces my longest, dull-ache-kind-of-a pain (one that never lets up, but that you can miserably endure for a long time), but #11 shows my most acute pain (the kind that feels like it's gonna kill you if it lasts long)). Looking back, I do not know how I endured this struggle. I cried every day for MANY months, not because I hated my life (like in the case of my depression), but because I wanted to live!!! I had a child in my body. I could not walk often. I became de-conditioned. I weighed slightly over 100 lbs. The weakness and physical death that I felt in my body was immense. That I am standing today, dancing with vigor, is a remarkable gift. This dance shows, to the best of my ability, my body giving out on me, and it being restored in the end. Video on the 11th Dance.
Track #12: The final dance shows me coming up with the idea to create "Inner Reformation" for my children. It hearkens back to me being in the womb, because the creation of the project gave me new life (and incidentally Track #1 took the longest for me to create, as I shared). What you see at the end of this dance is real-to-life: My idol came down, my 20 year struggle with one person came to a close. I wish I could tell you about it (for I did contact this person for this project and for the purposes of healing), but unfortunately I can't reveal the details right now, because this is part of the "mystery" of what I do; it's part of my "box" stuff that cannot be easily understood & explained (and hence why I intend to choreograph Part II & Part III of the story). But all of that mystery doesn't matter now, what matters is: IT CAME DOWN!!! The 20-year struggle came to a close, and I am so much closer to being healed.
In sum, the creation of Part I for "Inner Reformation: An Autobiography Danced" was the most life-giving thing I had done in 12 years. It was the best 2 years of my life in a long time. It was a beautiful process. And I could not be more thankful for it. And honestly, I feel humbled, surprised and in disbelief that I was even allowed to experience it. I am alive. I am walking. I am dancing. I am here! I never thought I would be.
Thank you for reading about the creation process of "Inner Reformation, Part I." Obviously, there was so much more that went into creating it (e.g. all of the technical aspects of creating the show, such as the creation of the props and so on), but this is overall the big picture.
Back
In 2005, I had an idea to choreograph the full length of a CD. If I would have got my MFA after undergrad, this was going to be my project. The idea never left me, though, and it finally came to fruition in a way that I never could have imagined. In 2016, I found the perfect CD, and my life story simply fit the music (the music expressed my story, almost as if it had been made for that very purpose. Even the titles of the songs, no lie, fit my life story.).
To make the entire dance of "Inner Reformation, Part I," I utilized a number of things:
- Interviews/meetings with people from my past to help me see things in a more holistic way, to represent my story more fully (I didn't just want to give my version of things).
- Gathered artifacts (journal entries, photos, lots of tangible items from when I was growing up).
- Did a lot of self reflection and spent a lot of time thinking about how I was going to create the storyline of the dance, to make all things clear as possible for the viewer.
- In addition to my husband who provided much artistic feedback, my computer was my best friend (recording my movement so I could perfect my work--I didn't even have mirrors for much of the project!).
- Hours and hours and hours were spent in rehearsal.
- I had to find ways to keep moving through all of my many injuries that occurred throughout the process of making this dance.
- I relied on my family to help build my set.
Track #1: I met with Mom to talk about me being in the womb and being born. I utilized the work of Alexander Tsiaras and other information on the Internet regarding fetal development. I used my experience as a pregnant mother as well. All of these things helped to create the movement. Furthermore, this dance took the longest for me to make; I'm always striving to make it perfect (an impossibility, I know).
Track # 2: I used artifacts from my childhood (examining my baby book, photos, toys, etc). I used stories from what people told me about myself as a little girl and memories from when I was a kid. I utilized my observation of my little daughter, how she plays and moves. For the longest time, I hated dancing this piece, because I felt silly acting like a little girl. But now I LOVE doing this dance. It's lots of fun to do.
Track #3: I met with both Mom & Dad to create dance #3, asking questions that I was terrified to ask. I got permission from both of them to dance out a bit of their story. A lot in the dance is not revealed, because both my parents are still alive, and I want to respect them. But this is my best version of it, staying within the boundaries of what I feel comfortable with revealing. I also used my own childhood memories to create this dance, and that's probably, in the end, what has most inspired the work. This dance, like the others, has been through MULTIPLE versions. But perhaps my favorite thing of all about it is: I get to dance with my mother's wedding ring while dancing in performances.
Track #4: This was emotionally the hardest dance for me to create. I didn't think I would be able to do it and entered a bit of a panic early on in the process. Literally, I had a complete block of what to do, so then I started to think about all of the memories/activities with this person. I used photos, letters, emails, journals and the memories to make the dance. This dance keeps changing shape too. For the longest time, I couldn't enjoy dancing it, because my original movement was based upon me having images of this person in my mind, of the activities we did together. Currently, I have no images in my mind as it is danced, because I remade the work. But my goal is to simply have fun doing it, and for the most part, I do.
Track #5: I contacted several friends from my high school days and teachers, and relied heavily upon my memories. I was an extremely active high school student. The original version of this dance showcased all of it. But I've simplified it to just focus on one thing that I really liked in high school: dance! And I throw in a few other activities as well and some of my regrets.
Track #6: This piece really serves as a sort of "intermission," a kind of getting ready for Act II without having to leave the stage. I "pack up" for undergrad, but in it I continue to express my ongoing struggle from dance #4.
Track #7: Involves a bit of a rap I created based upon my experience in undergrad (I also contacted several classmates and instructors to make this dance). As it happened, I turned on the music and started saying the words. From that initial voice recording, I created the movement and later had my voice professionally recorded. Like all of my dances, this too has gone through major reworks (e.g. it began as a standing dance, then I moved it to the floor because of injury).
Track #8: In undergrad, I had a unique spiritual experience. I nearly dropped out of school to become a missionary. I then read certain Christian apologetic works and my life completely changed. I began practicing an intense life of prayer. And while I strongly disliked modern dance my first year of undergrad (because it was so foreign to move my body in that way), I fell in LOVE with it my second year of school. So for this dance, I combine that spiritual experience with my favorite kind of movement at that time: Release Technique. This is a dance, btw, that I want to keep perfecting over time. It was originally done standing, and it is this dance that perhaps forever damaged my ankle, and that is why this dance is now done in a chair. I feel semi-proud to have taken all of the standing movement and converted it to sitting. It was a challenge, and perfecting it remains a goal of mine. Video of Original Version (demonstrates how the work is so much more beautiful in the chair!).
Track #9: Dance #4 was emotionally the hardest dance to make, but #9 was mentally the toughest to create. How does one present clarity to an audience through movement when one has difficulty understanding the story themselves? I intend to choreograph Part II and Part III of "Inner Reformation" many years down the road. What is in my box (for Part I)? I cannot reveal that. This is the mystery part of my dance (i.e. the box). I personally know what is in it; I know exactly what I prayed. But I don't understand the outcome of that prayer. So . . . for dance #9 I try to make clear to the audience what I very much do understand: I entered the seminary, I prayed, I met my husband, we had children, I became depressed. This too is likely a dance that I will continue to perfect, but I feel very happy that I finally figured out my dilemma: I don't have to share with the audience what I can't comprehend; I can just share what I do understand . . . so that's what I did.
Track #10: Out of the blue, while I was making "Inner Reformation, Part I," I entered 3 days of depression, with no explanation. It just hit me. I hadn't experienced depression in about 2 years. I couldn't dance. I couldn't hardly do anything, for those three days. I was intending to choreograph dance #6, but by the 3rd day of this in-explainable depression I thought, "I've gotta tap into this low. I gotta start creating my dance on depression, Track #10." So that's what I did. I could hardly move in the chair, but I recorded the movement and used that real-life depression experience as a template to create the dance that you now see. After that 3rd day, the depression lifted and dance #10 is my favorite dance out of all the pieces. In it, you see a girl who is out of balance, who is refusing to talk (pushing down all that she needs to get out). She is so desperately sad (her hands cry), and angry, hating everything. She is near death. But thankfully she doesn't die. Experiencing depression was very difficult, btw, and I truly aim to express that in the performance of this piece. Video on Creating the 10th Piece.
Track #11: This piece show's my health collapse. Never could I have imagined recovering from depression (I didn't think I would), only to head into the HARDEST experience of my life (Track #4 introduces my longest, dull-ache-kind-of-a pain (one that never lets up, but that you can miserably endure for a long time), but #11 shows my most acute pain (the kind that feels like it's gonna kill you if it lasts long)). Looking back, I do not know how I endured this struggle. I cried every day for MANY months, not because I hated my life (like in the case of my depression), but because I wanted to live!!! I had a child in my body. I could not walk often. I became de-conditioned. I weighed slightly over 100 lbs. The weakness and physical death that I felt in my body was immense. That I am standing today, dancing with vigor, is a remarkable gift. This dance shows, to the best of my ability, my body giving out on me, and it being restored in the end. Video on the 11th Dance.
Track #12: The final dance shows me coming up with the idea to create "Inner Reformation" for my children. It hearkens back to me being in the womb, because the creation of the project gave me new life (and incidentally Track #1 took the longest for me to create, as I shared). What you see at the end of this dance is real-to-life: My idol came down, my 20 year struggle with one person came to a close. I wish I could tell you about it (for I did contact this person for this project and for the purposes of healing), but unfortunately I can't reveal the details right now, because this is part of the "mystery" of what I do; it's part of my "box" stuff that cannot be easily understood & explained (and hence why I intend to choreograph Part II & Part III of the story). But all of that mystery doesn't matter now, what matters is: IT CAME DOWN!!! The 20-year struggle came to a close, and I am so much closer to being healed.
In sum, the creation of Part I for "Inner Reformation: An Autobiography Danced" was the most life-giving thing I had done in 12 years. It was the best 2 years of my life in a long time. It was a beautiful process. And I could not be more thankful for it. And honestly, I feel humbled, surprised and in disbelief that I was even allowed to experience it. I am alive. I am walking. I am dancing. I am here! I never thought I would be.
Thank you for reading about the creation process of "Inner Reformation, Part I." Obviously, there was so much more that went into creating it (e.g. all of the technical aspects of creating the show, such as the creation of the props and so on), but this is overall the big picture.
Back
